Three rejections in a roll! This just about completely destroys the very little self-esteem that i still had left. It just makes me wonder if I have been way too confident about myself in the past. this is such an obvious sign that I should stop being so god damn happy with myself. gosh, i feel so stupid and humiliated. It seriously does NOT matter what you think about yourself, ultimately, it's what you receive from others that matters the most. I used to believe that it's good enough as long I have confidence in myself, and that what other people say don't matter a bit. I finally realized that that's just complete BS. I don't ever want anybody to tell me that ever again.

I hate myself. I hate being me. I hate myself for doing the things i do. I hate myself for not being pretty enough. I hate everything there is about me. my gosh, why did i ever think that i was all that? who the hell am i to think that i was all that? so stupid of me, so very stupid...........